On the cusp of a new decade
Every year the time between Christmas and the start of the New Year takes me to a deeply reflective place. Some years it is a place that I am not very happy to go, revisiting a loss, a bad decision, my less than compassionate choices and behaviors. A place where my shadow self holds out the lessons of the year, the suffering and challenges, and asks me, “What will you learn from this?”
Sometimes I recognize and willingly move into it, ready to claim my mistakes and learn from my challenges and step into the new year with a renewed sense of self. Other times I see the outstretched hand of my personal ghost of the past year and recoil and go scrambling off for a bite of chocolate or to think about that sale I saw online that desperately needs my attention.
Some years I am oblivious, caught in between the Christmas and New Year abyss of not knowing what day it is or what I need to focus on. Those years January creeps up and startles me with its seemingly abrupt arrival.
This year not only are we bringing a year to a close and starting a new one, but a new decade is also about to begin. Having said this I notice that I know, all of this time stuff is quite arbitrary anyway. Time is an illusion. It’s a human-made construct to structure our lives. All we really have is the rising and the setting of the sun each day, the light and the dark. Here is where I get lost in thought about what really matters and whether I want to drop out of society and live truly in the here and now.
Of course, it is a balance for me, and probably for you too. Unless you are ready to head off to a cave or hermitage. That is not my path. Nor yours I expect. At this moment in time, I relish being in a human body with a messy life held together by the boundaries of time. It is the way I do my work in the world and evolve my soul. It is in the mundane moments of washing the dishes and doing the laundry that I often find the sacred and holy. I always long to have more moments of full presence.
This year, on the cusp of a new decade, I am reflecting and remembering where I was the last time we slipped into a new decade, 2009…moving into the “teens” I was still adjusting to my divorced life, helping Evan navigate the back and forth between parents. My mom was still here and I do believe that was the year we watched a two-day marathon of musicals. My brother Dennis was still alive and we were checking in on a regular basis. I was working at Bayview High School and starting to create the Island County School-Based Mental Health Program. I was discovering my love of quest work and my desire to be a wilderness guide.
Wow, a lot has happened in the last decade. Where were you on Dec. 31, 2009, and what were you reflecting on? What were you looking forward to?
And now as we sit at the threshold of the “20’s” what can you say actually happened?
Here are just few of my highlights and lowlights-
• I worked at Bayview until the program ended in 2012, one of the best jobs of my career
• My Mother had Ovarian Cancer and died in 2011, one of the most sacred and difficult moments of my life
• My brother Dennis died in 2017, and I miss his support and love.
• I moved to a new rental home that I love.
• I created programs working for Island County and then completed my work there and left the county in 2017
• I went to seminary in 2012 and was ordained in 2014, fulfilling a lifelong dream.
• I rediscovered Ireland and have been there 8 times this decade. One of the great loves of my life.
• I finally started writing again and have two stories that will be published in January 2020.
• I finally started dancing again, even though it’s only in my living room.
• I had thyroid surgery and have been struggling to balance my endocrine system ever since.
• Quinn and I weathered the ups and downs of life and continue to choose each other every day.
• I restarted my private practice and love my clients.
• Evan launched off to college and adult life in New York. I miss him but I am so grateful he found his path and his people
. • I gained and lost friendships, lots of grief and also joy.
• I finally got to Esalen, one of my life list items
The list could go on and on, a decade is a long time!
Now I turn my thoughts to the year ahead. I imagine myself sitting on Dec. 31, 2020, looking back over the year and think about what I would like to say about this year. I ponder what my word will be for the year. Is this the year of “wonder”, “kindness”, “inspiration”? There are so many to choose from. I know the right word will make itself known before too long.
What are you reflecting on as you stand at the cusp of the new year, a new decade? Ready or not, we will cross that threshold and with delight and amazement see what the year will bring.
I am wishing you the best of everything you dream of and more.
May it be so. Blessings, Charlene