Breaking Open

 Sometimes I just break open

Sometimes I just break open

Sometimes I just break open. I don’t know exactly what will trigger it each time. Some things are predictable like an incredible sunset or the smell of lilacs and roses. Most of the time it is the unexpected human connections that crack the edges of my heart and love flows so readily in and out…

This breaking open is painful at times, heart wrenching and full of tears. It can also be beautiful, beyond words and emotions, too hard to describe within the limits of language.

Often, it is a series of events that creates a great break, similar to little earthquakes leading up to a big seismic shift. It almost always starts with vulnerability, often my own, saying what is true for me, feeling a feeling so deeply and expressing it… taking a risk with sharing my soul and truth. The vulnerability alone creates an opening, a risk that feels so immense that it could swallow me whole. In reality, it is just a feeling and will pass in time, but in the moment, it feels sacred, holy, like God is in the midst.

Sacred and holy feelings are always present during a time of breaking open. The moments feel so rare and precious that if I were to breathe too deeply they might disintegrate. There is often a feeling that it may disappear at any moment; a breeze may come up and take it all away.